I Live Inside by Michelle Leon

Author:Michelle Leon
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-87351-999-1
Publisher: Minnesota Historical Society Press
Published: 2016-11-26T05:00:00+00:00

Howard and me, Minneapolis. Author’s collection.

EVERYONE

People recognize me out at shows, or shopping for groceries, at the movies, in line at the post office. Everyone acts extra friendly, buying drinks and introducing themselves. I am not sure who is for real, if someone is really interested in knowing me or just wanting in on the scene. All this attention gives me a false sense of self-worth, illusive and distorted, with the ability to vanish like melting snow. I define myself through the gaze of strangers and I have never felt so phony. I have never felt so whole. I am disconnected, capable of caring very little, especially about those who are the closest to me. I am losing myself but it doesn’t matter. Boys think I’m foxy and want to make out. Girls want to be my friend; they also try to make out with me. Everyone thinks I’m really great.

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